My 2012 effing SUMMARY!

Now, the end of 2012 is almost here. Of course part of my yearly life summary would dwell on all my disappointments (most of the time that is) and a few cool things ( really, just a few. Seriously).

However, i think, this will be the first that i really dont know where to start.

Yes, as always, feeling ko miserable ang buhay ko. I have a lot of miseries. I have a lot of missing puzzle pieces. Yung tipong hindi ko pa rin alam saan ko sila pwedeng matagpuan. Either, inaasahan kong makita sila sa partikular na nilalang o nagbubulagbulagan lamang akong makita ang mga ito.

Be as it may, and i believe it is more appropriate to tackle all those positive things na nangyari; however minute they are.

Pardon me for writing in a way na coño. I guess nakilala na ko ng mga tao na ganito. Further, i can express my sentiments freely. And sometimes, its liberating to breakway sa usual nang ginagawa.

So what transpired nga ba sa 2012.

Wala!

Kaya nga ala akong masulat. Hahaha.

Aside sa part 1234 of my epic saga, mas pagtutuunan ko ng pansin kung ano nagyari sa later part of the year.

Hatiin natin ang kwento by topic ng mas madaling iorganize. Ready?


TRABAHO

Hindi lingid sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin ang dismayado kong posisyon when it comes to my professional career. Not only because of lack of opportunities, but more so, my lack of interest of it in totality.

Sabog ako. Burned out. In short SAWA NA! Feeling ko, kung ano yung iniwan ko nung mag study leave ako, yun pa din ang babalikan ko. And true enough, YUN NGA! Mas less pa. Parang nawalan ako ng pwesto. Purpose. Function.

I was, NO i am ALARMED! So, ano na ko? Display? Ready for Disposal? Basura?

Salamat na lang sa mga kasama ko sa office for giving me much value, kahit feeling ko parang hindi naman. Hahaha.

Later this year, i got an exhilarating news, something to make my attitude change big time! Something na matagal ko nang hinihintay! SOMETHING NA NGAYON, I DONT DESERVE (period)

But, ampucha! Hindi ako ipokrito para hindi tanggapin to. So ano ang PEG KO?
Make them see that i deserve it and more (period period)

Yabang lang no? Simply because i cant make any reservations. This will make or break me.

'Nuff said.


STUDIES

I cant really express my feelings toward my Masteral Studies. Either im too mediocre or still, not yet prepared to undertake such challenge.

Its fun that i was able to accomplish my written compre with rainbow colors but the tip of the iceberg is far from being conquered. My thesis is still a hidden treasure to be found and so is my focus na parang ikinulong ng kung sino man.

Kaasar lang! Hahaha.

Asar lang talaga ko sa sarili ko sa aspetong to.

'Nuff said ulit.


FAMILY

Ganun pa din. Unless gusto ko magkaroon ng sarili ko, which i will tackle later! ;) ahahaha

'Nuff nuff


FRIENDS

Kaboom!

Eto na yung topic na year after year kasama sa TOP 2. ( as if my countdown?)

I think by this time, people have realized that being ME is part of my natural, astral, biological at lahat ng-AL nature.

VIRGO kaya ako. Isearch nyo na lang kung how we are perceived.

Funny, sometimes, i can still contain my self. Medyo reserve pa ko ( more buhat lang ng silya). Pero, from time to time, lumalabas pa din ang pagiging TOYOIN KO.

So, no wonder, when everything gets serious and tough, i tend to mess things up!

I am possessive and a control freak! ( di ba _ _ ?)

Hindi ako PERFECT na tao. And i am also capable of making mistakes. I did a lo of wrong things to my friends. Kaya nga dami kong kaibigan na nawala.

Pero past na yun. And i believe im making the same mistakes again.

However, ganun talaga.

Im tired of thinking of other people's feelings. Call it selfish, pero this time isipin ko na lang sarili ko. Kung saan ako masaya. Kung saan ako comfortable.

Kaya, ngayon palang, nagSOSORRY NA KO.

I will be limiting my relationships to some and maybe emphasizing those with others.

This is the only way i know kung saan, magkakasakitan tayo ng isAng bagsakan kesa naman habang tumatagal eh sinisira tayo ng kalawang...

More so, sa patuloy kong pakikipaglaro sa dusa, eh ako nalang talaga ang may kasalanan at masasaktan.

Im TIRED of FIGHTING. Tutal, lagi naman akong TALO.

I will be trying to be someone matured, fair and happy for this coming year.

Yun na lang muna may dear friends.

SPARE ME WITH YOUR KAARTIHANS! Because, I WILL SPARE YOU WITH MINE!

KUHA NYO?

'Nuff said ng bonggA!


LOVELIFE

Pucha! Wala na naman akong LOVELIFE!!!

NAKAKADEPRESS!!!

Should i say more?

'Nuff said, nakakaiyak na topic to eh.
Hahaha.

So, ano pa?
Ano pang gusto nyong malaman?
Hahaha, i bet, everyone is FUCKING tired of my DRAMAS.

If so, e di wag nyong tingnan account ako.
Mga EPAL kayo!

Hahaha. Joke.

Love you all.

'NUFF SAID

DA 1... ALMOST

There wasn’t a sign; neither a warning.

I wasn’t even looking forward, but I was enjoying the moments.

IKAW ba naman ang consistently sinusuyo at sinusundan ng MAMANG may ITSURA at marami nang NILOKONG IHA.

OKAY, nagiinarte ako.

Not because of HIM, but because of MYSELF.

Not because the scenes are almost PERFECT, but because im too afraid it WASN’T.

EH PAANO KUNG PINAGTRITRIPAN LANG PALANG AKO and later on my SUPER SCANDAL na sa YOUTUBE umeeksana!

And, LOVE GOT IN THE WAY. I fell to his CHARM. His KINDNESS. His GENTLENESS.

I fell for the simple things I wasn’t expecting I’d fall for.

He was exactly the person im looking for at the moment when the one im loving and trying to keep let go of my hand.

SURE I was demanding. And he was always there to give me the attention I need.

SURE I was confusing. And he was always there to give me understanding.

SURE I was wanting. And he was always there to give me everything.

So what more can I ask for?

ACTUALLY, meron pa. if only I can have BOTH THEM. The ONE who HOLDS my HEART and the ONE who WON IT.

Not that two-timer ako; simply put, have the two guys who make my life almost perfect. Yung KAIBIGAN at yung KA-IBIGAN.

PAGIGING SAKIM BA YUN?

I guess it was, para kasing imposibleng mangyari yun?

PAANO, the more na ayusin yung sa isa, the more na nagugusot.

ANG GULO TAENA!

Nevertheless, if it weren’t for WILSON I won’t survive my longing for RD [oh, may I mention ko na ha].

In fairness naman kasi sa kanya, he was there during the times na I need a friend [most of the time ha] and he made me feel I was important [minsan]. WILSON was able to fill my yearning for a male friend. Just so happen naibigay nya pati yung LOVE na hindi pwede dun sa una [iclear lang natin ha].

PROBABLY most noting is that WISLON understands the situation.  He was MORE THAN CONSIDERATE. HE WAS EVEN SUPPORTIVE. That makes me LOVE him EVENMORE.

CONFUSED still.

WANTING still.

HOPING still.

YUP! WILSON has read the above portions. And sure he knew about this later one.

If this will be an announcement that I am READY to FACE RD ONE LAST TIME, so be it.

THIS is, more than EVER, the most important TURNING POINT!

I DESERVE THIS. A CLOSURE. AN EXPLANATION.

It doesn’t MATTER if you’re not READY. Kelan k aba naging ganon?

THIS is, more than any CONVERSATION is the most vital!

Im forcing TIME and SPACE…..

i lUv U st.PAUL

It’s been 9 years.

I cant say I went far. But im pretty sure most were surprised by the changes I had.

Most of us shared 4 years of our lives. It wasn’t that super happy, but its worth the memory, experience and time, FOR ME. Don’t get me wrong, it was in fact BLISSFUL! The dramas, the friendships, the puppy loves, and the sweat and cheats. Let’s just say, I wasn’t able to maximize the full potential of my HIGH SCHOOL life.

Weh? Ingles tlaga? Wahahaha. Drama mode lang.

Seriously.

I guess the bond we were able to build was priceless. Parang magkakapatid na kami. Kahit na sabihing may awayan. It was just petty fights. At kahit na sabihing may kampihan dahil sa mga magkakaribal sa iniirog, lagi naman ALLs WELL that ENDs WELL! (think: graduating class recollection. CORNY!)

Everything was unsure for most of us. Hindi trip ang kukuning course, meron naman kunwari sure na, at meron namang dedma lang. Ang importante, GORA lang sa kolehiyo o sa kung lupalop man ng mundo (think: DIVINE GRACE! Hahaha)

Merong consistent ang communication. Meron din namang hindi na nahagilap. At syempre meron din namang mga paimportante dahil kunwari busy at walang time kumontak. 

Nevertheless, may getting in touch naman.

It was only recently when one of us went back to the country from France to spend her honeymoon. Kaya yun, take advantage ang lahat to have the reunion.

Napakahirap mag set ng date. Kailangan pwede lahat, which is, VERY IMPOSSIBLE. Pero sa awa ng orasan na set naman and more importantly, natuloy.

The bonding was still there, siguro kasi sa sobrang sabik to talk with each other and hear each and everyone’s story.

Basta, ang hirap I express.. and, everyone is looking forward to the 2012 GRAND REUNION! XD

FATLOOSE

 i am on plateau.  Unfortunately.

Nakakasaar minsan. Nakakafrustrate. Kahit anung effort mo to lose further ayaw talaga. Pero naggagain ka naman. O diba. Puputok talaga fuse mo.

There are times, gusto ko nalang kumuha ng kutsilyo at hilapin yung mga lose skin o kaya naman laslasin ang balat ko at kalikutin ang mga adipose tissue ko! Ewan ko lang kung hindi mawala yung mga pasaway na to.

Well come to think of it. I should be easy with myself. I lost almost one human size.

Pero realizing that anytime i can gain again that disaster fat and relive the past that i don’t want to dwell again to, KAILANGAN.

 

3 years ago, i was 125kg with waist line of 46 inches and clothing of XXXL sizes.

SHIT diba? Ang hirap maghanap ng damit na ganun. it’s either LEE PIPES or JAG THUG lang. Then i cant splurge on SALE items.

Sa sasakyan lalo na sa trisikel, dalawa bayad ko. Paano, ako lang kasya. At sa dyip, umiinit ulo ng driver, dahil ang sampuan nagiging waluhan nalang... Lalampasan ka ng mga sasakyan, at kahit humarang ka pa ata sa kalsada para tigilan ka nila, sori ka na lang, DREAM ON ang drama.

Tampulan ka ng biruan pag may kainan. It’s either, uubusin mo ang handa, o kaya dapat ikaw nalang ang inihanda.

Hay, kung ililista ko lahat ng mga sakit sa damdamin na naranasan ko dahil sa dati kong katawa, hindi matatapos ang blog na to...

SO WHAT MADE ME DECIDE TO LOSE THE EFFING BULGES AND EXTRA WEIGHT?

Fed up? Ewan ko din... trip ko lang siguro.

So what did i do?

Jogging everyday.

May i count ng calories every single day.

Tumira ng green tea. Mansanas. Gulay. At kung anu-ano pa na healthy at magpapabilis ng metabolism ko.

Naglaro din ng badminton.

Yun. Yun lang...

At yun. Nagbunga ng bongga!!!

Now down at 74kg... haba pa ng lalakbayin ko to reach 65kg...

Sobrang hirap na. At eto pa ang mas nakakaloka., ang lose skin at ugly stretch marks.

But more than anything na nagbago, sabi nila UGALI ko...

I can agree somehow. But not on the line of attack they are saying.

LET’s JUST SAY, THEY WEREN’T ABLE TO KEEP UP. Yun na.

BASTA. PERIOD NA. BAKA KUNG ANU NA NAMAN ANG LUMABAS.

AT BASTA ULIT. I will still strive to reach my target weight.

Medyo lie low lang ako ngayon. Waiting to return home at dun ako raratsada.

JOGGING ALMOST EVERYDAY.

GYM SA KANTO 4x a DAY.

DIETA ULIT.

AT THIS TIME, TITIRA NA KO NG PILLS.

I AM DECIDED..

ALL I NEED IS A MOTIVATION... AND I FOUND IT.

Sorry na lang sa mga bitter at ingget...

MAGIGING SEXY RIN AKO, NOT ONLY IN MY OWN WAY, PERO SA MATA NG LAHAT!!!!

pero for the meantime.. let me indulge sa fud at beer. hahaha. XD

Brewing my Effing Future!

Well, nothing yet is OFFICIAL. Even the scholarship I got. Wala pa nga schedule for contract signing and all. But i guess, eto na yun. Alangan naming hindi pa. We’ve already talked with our Boss, our HR Manager and our Mayor. Anak ng Tupa, kung hindi pa naman opisyal ang mga nangyayari, baka daig pa namin ang winawashing machine kung sakaling isang malaking joke time ang lahat.

Keri kong maligo magisa. No need para sabunin ng iba! [XD]

-----------------------------------------

I was hoping and PRAYING for this break! As in SOBRA.

In fact, medyo nag hysterical nga ko when i didn’t get an important text from our Grad School. Fortunately, na late lang pala. Buti na lang. Baka naglaslas na ko ng pulso kung nagkataon.

I realized mahirap palang maging genuinely happy for others while you are on very low morale for not having the same faith. And, there are people who tend to be naive on that matter.
Kailangan mo pang magsalita. Actually, there’s nothing wrong with it, the problem is, ma-stimulate lang yung nararamdaman mong kabiguan dahil kailangan mong i-open up na you Failed.

Nevertheless, nakaintindi naman sya, and the important thing is, WE BOTH PASS.

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Now, after all those nerve wrecking, emotionally draining, and pee eliciting moments, the real pain in the ass comes.

The what’s next?
The what will i do now?
The crying times and the goodbye bitches and assholes moments?

Well sadly, that’s a fact, i cant have it all, and more often than not, all great things come with some price...

Come to think of it, things will be worth it... i hope so.

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[PRETENDING TO BE WORKING]

I have been working at the LGU for 2 years and 6 months. Ito na ang humulma sa kalagayan kong propesyonal. Now, no wonder, bakit ganito pa rin ako. Modesty aside, mabagal naman talaga ang pagunlad sa gobyerno. Lulumutin ka na bago ka pa maakyat sa susunod na pwesto. Unless, you belong to some politically powerful and influential families.

I started pretty much like a neophyte. Mabait. Masunurin. Masipag at pabibo pa. But then, if you’ll be like these for the entirety of your stay at the LGU, lalamunin ka lang nila ng buhay. Kaya ayun, pinilit kong magkasungay. And eventually, humiyang ako sa pagiging PASAWAY.

So as not to elaborate further on this matter, naging MEDIOCRE ako when it comes to work [period]

But i guess, GOD really loves me, despite my performance, I still got an ITEM. Which give me the security to pursue my masteral degree. That GOD, has always a plan. Medyo pasasabikin ka lang nya, and when the time comes na mas magiging significant yung BLESSING nya, saka nya ibibigay!

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[BALIK ISKOLAR?]

It took me a while to decide and pursue my masteral. Nakakatamad kasi magisa. Kaya nung si ofismeyt eh feel din magmasteral, go na!

We took MS ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCE. Something that he is advantage of na since yun yung undergrad nya. But anyway, can relate naman ako dahil same foundation with my undergrad.

My problem now is, how can i cope up with my over growing financial needs. Mahal na ng tuition then have to travel pa every week. Nakakadugo ng bulsa.

Sabi ko nga, Nasasalat man kami sap era, yumayabong naman ang aming kaalaman. At okay yun.

It was nice to be back in UP. Parang feeling ko naiistimulate muli yung utak ko. CHALLENGING!

Unfortunately, my very unstable emotional state always gets in the way. In simple terms, ang pagtotoyo ko ay talaga namang nakakawindang. Pero, nakaraos naman. [sana]

One thing, you should prioritize yourself. Dahil may instances na people may not return the favors na ibinibigay mo sa kanila. In fact, baka nga hindi nila napapansin yun at naaapreciate. May time na sarili lang nila iniisip nila. Sabagay, bakit nga naman nila iisipin yung iba? Malamang, iiwan at iiwanan ka lang nila.

I never experience it with people whom i treat very special. Kung gayon, i thank the 5 special friends i have during my undergrad, they are not just my batchmates, nor classmates, they are my true friends and kin [ Aissa, Cynthia, Kim, Mharra and Rody... thanks gurls]

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[SWITCHED ON/OFF FRIENDS]

I got to say, mas naging makulay ang buhay kaibigan ko for the past 2 years and 6 months kesa sa kung anu man. At syempre, kasama na rin dito yung pagtibok ng letcheng puso sa kung sino mang espesyal na nilalang. And, it was the culprit of all the mess that had happen to me. But nevertheless, i realize who are my true friends and how true can be to them.

We were thirteen. Tapos nakahati at nakawatak-watak. For sure they are putting all the blame on me. They have the very right. Opinion nila yun. I HAVE MY OWN. But one thing i am sure of at kahit saan ko dahil argument, tatama ako. Its TWO-FOLD. Meaning LAHAT MAY KASALANAN!

So much on that.

Nabuo NUKNUKAN. Sobrang saya. Kahit nagkakatoyoan, nagkakatampuhan. OKAY PA DIN KINABUKASAN. What’s good about the group is, pinaguusapan what went wrong. Everyone has their own say. If may gasuhan, may limitations. Marunong makiramdam. May UNAWAAN.

Everyone has their own SHARE OF MOMENTS. Kahit lagi kong namomonopolize. SYEMPRE, ITERESANTE ang ISTORYA KO.

Kahit lagi kami nakaCREDIT CARD dahil PURITA kami. SUPER SAYA.

Kahit sa BAHAY-BAHAY lang venue namin. SUPER SAYA.

Kahit Sardinas at itlog na pula lang ang ulam namin. SUPER SAYA.

Kahit Beer lang at Chitchitrya ang tinitira namin. SUPER SAYA.

Ang importante, lagi kaming magkakasama at, iniintindi ang isa’t isa.

Sila ang naging Sandalan ko sa mga sandaling Hinang-hina ako at mainit ang chorva ko sa ASAR.

Pagkasama ko sila, tanggal TOYO at DRAMA ko.

Kaya nga sa pagsuong ko sa bagong hamon sa buhay ko, susubukan kong MAKITA at MAKASALUMUHA sila kahit isang beses isang linggo.

TEARY-EYED NA KO. T_T


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[THE EFFING FUTURE]

Now, with the scholarship in place, i have to leave the LGU for a while. STUDY LEAVE muna DRAMA ko. Pero for good naman eh. [sana lang talaga]

If im gonna look at the brighter side, babalik muna ko sa FAMILY ko. Bonding muna and i’ll be able to help them in my own little ways. Lalo na that my MOM will be losing her work and will venture as well into a new OBSTACLE [charot]

And, probably, makakapagconcentrate ako sa sarili ko.

This will be time to make myself a priority. Nakaline up na gagawin ko. Sana talaga magawa ko sila lahat.

I am very optimistic. I KNOW I WILL.

Sigurdado may mga ODDS, pero kayang-kaya ko sila...

Marami namang tao sa paligid ko para tulungan ako...

HAIST. SHIT! KERI KO TO!lalo na't may bagong LOOK ako! :D